Author name: herminekurotowa
Artist name: m14mouse
Genre: RPS, slash
Pairing: Jensen/Jared, Jensen/OMC
Word count: 20.000
Warnings: Hooker!Jensen, discussion of suicide, blow jobs, bloodplay, facial, handcuffs, BAMF!Jensen, naked!BAMF!Jensen, hurt!Jared, drugging, attempted non-con, schmoop. And no porn, earnestly.
No bunnies were seriously harmed in the writing of this fic.
Spoiler:[Don´t read, you´ll be spoiled]
You just had to have a look. Oh well, Jensen is a kind of blood drinking creature.
Summary: Jensen is a nice guy. He's kind and attentive, and there's a room in his apartment for his cats and bunnies he's occasionally feeding from. He works as a hooker for Frederic Lehne though he's badass when it comes to defending his ass against sleazy clients. That's one of the secrets he wants to tell his boyfriend Jared but he never has occasion to do it before he gets seriously hurt. A furious Jensen - even when naked - is something you better don't want to witness.
A little wooden toy cowboy is all Jared has left from his family. He falls for Jensen head over heels and even comes to terms with him working the streets - it makes for the best blow jobs, after all. Unfortunately, he will not get to know his other, bigger secret in this story - being shot at and lying in a coma is pretty obstructive.
On a Saturday at five a.m., Jared sees the strange man walking through the backyard, carrying a small box. He's seen him from before but never knew that he was a neighbor. He knows now, seeing him from his living room window on the third floor crossing the backyard and entering the apartment building through the back door.
The man is wearing a dark, tight t-shirt and pants – maybe jeans – just as tight, and Jared's first thought at the view of the man's skin gleaming softly in the pale light of dawn is how it's milky-white. The second is that it must be soft to the touch.
Blushing, Jared stifles other thoughts and buries his nose in his tea cup. He has been officially gay for two days and there's no need for rushing things. Alright, maybe he is not completely gay but enough to break it off with Vanessa.
That's the reason for his drinking tea at five in the morning. He lay awake the whole night, his stomach in a twist, thinking of Vanessa, and the tears, and the fights they didn't have.
She knew and hoped nevertheless.
Besides, it would be unfair, keeping up a relationship when he was working two, sometimes three jobs, dragging around heavy baggage and never having a minute's rest. Vanessa is a great woman, she deserves someone better than him.
He finishes his tea and decides to leave early for work. Mr Kim will be pleased that he can help open the little grocery store, and Jared will be able to leave early and be on time for his shift at Jeff's restaurant. Tonight he also has a couple of hours in Jeff's Lido Nights, waiting tables. He will be dead on his feet, but the tips will make up for his back aches.
Picking up his keys, Jared pauses. Maybe that's the reason all those guys tip him so generously.
They knew you're gay – well, not completely straight – and you didn't. He snorts derisively.
He grabs his jacket and leaves his apartment, letting the door shut behind him with a soft click.
Jared was right. At midnight, he has a backache and sore feet but the tips are excellent.
The club is bursting at the seams. There are three stag parties, and Jared is juggling bottles and glasses. It's crowded with thirsty guys and a few semi-nude girls because stag parties and strippers come together like tequilas and hangovers. There are probably even some hookers in the crowd but he has no time to bother.
He needed a bathroom break fifteen minutes ago and has to go right now, so when he finally catches a glimpse of Cindy, he grabs her and just says the code word: “Five.”
As soon as she answers with a nod, Jared is fighting his way through the crowd, heading for the back of the club. He reaches the restrooms at the last moment, finally relieving himself with a deep sigh.
The Lido Nights is one of the better clubs in town. It's not a gay club per se, but from time to time, there are those guys that cannot wait to take their male hook-ups to your place or mine. Because of that, Jared is not too fazed by the sounds coming from the last stall, the occasional rustling and moaning.
At least someone's having some fun, he thinks, standing at the sink and splashing some water in his face. Though the bar is busy, and the lounge and dance floor are crowded with dancing, sweating, flirting people, it's this specific kind of fun that Jared envies.
When he hears the stall door open and watches them through the mirror above the sink, he sees one of the guys leaving the restroom. Actually, all he can see is the guy's dirty blonde hair, his incredible ass in a pair of tight jeans and his hand pocketing a wad of cash.
If I had the money, I'd pay to tap that, too. Jared thinks appreciatively.
Immediately after, he's embarrassed by his thoughts. As if his libido is pushed to new heights by the realization of his gayness... not completely straight-ness.
The other guy is still in the stall, moaning. It doesn't sound like the good kind of moaning so Jared thinks about giving the bouncers a shout. Or calling 911. Then thinks it might be better to check if everything is in order before calling in the cavalry.
He knocks on the stall door and calls out, “Hey, you okay in there?”
There's no answer to Jared's question so he opens the door. The young man on the stall's floor seems to be really out of it, judging by his dilated pupils and manic grin. Jared deliberately doesn't look at his crotch where his limp dick is hanging out, the pants stained with evidence of his earlier activities, his efforts causing him to miss the drops of blood on the tiles.
“Hey, you okay?” Jared asks again.
The other man smiles, a faraway look in his eyes.
“Tha' wuss ohsome, dude!” he slurs.
Today is family day. Jared wears his best jeans – no holes at the knees – and a blue button-down. It's a nice spring day, and he enjoys the thirty minute ride on his bike. He even buys some tulips for his mom though, technically, he has no money to spare.
The sun is warm on his skin, kissing the tips of his ears and the backs of his hands on the handlebars. Everywhere birds are chirping and chattering, enjoying the day and life in general.
After securing his bike, Jared enters the cemetery, walking to his family's graves.
Some daisies are blossoming on his mom's grave, and the bouquet of red tulips looks nice between them on the green grass. Jared settles down on the ground, his forearms on his knees, his posture relaxed. It's easier now after more than two years to keep his composure, to not tear up or collapse on the ground.
“Hey, mom.” he says. “Sorry I couldn't come earlier. I was at dad's last weekend, and then I had to work.
“Mr Kim gave me steaks this week. 'They'll go off soon,' he said but they were good until Thursday. He's such a nice man, Mr Kim, you would love him. He's thinking about moving to stay with his daughter though because his arthritis is getting worse. I hope I can still work at the grocery store when he sells it.”
“I know you'd understand why I ditched Vanessa. But yesterday, her friend Mireille was at the shop, and she was so... She yelled at me. In French. She was pretty pissed. She didn't believe that I never wanted to hurt her. But how can I live with a girl that I don't love?
“No, mom. I love her but not the way she deserves to be loved. I'll have to look for Mr Right, I think. Though I don't expect him to be out there, waiting for me.
“This is such a mess. All I ever wanted was a nice girl and a home. Now I think I'd prefer staying alone for the rest of my life. And of course I know I'm not serious.” Another sigh. “It's just... I don't know what to do. I wish... I wish I could ask you. Or dad. I wish I could sit in our old kitchen, drinking hot chocolate. You'd make cookies and tell me what to do.
“I miss you so much. All of you.”
There it is, the tear drop, rolling down his cheek, falling onto the grass, disappearing.
A couple of weeks later Jared is sitting on a stone bench in the backyard. Again, it's five a.m. and again, he can't sleep. The news his father's nurse gave him the other day was disturbing, and now he's seeking solace in the run-down garden and rising sun. Jared is paid to work as a part-time janitor, not a gardener, and apparently, the owner of the apartment building doesn't bother to maintain the backyard with its little garden. Sometimes, he itches to tidy it up though, to take care of the roses and make them bloom, but there's just no time left.
The little toy cowboy in his hands is heavy with the burden of memories. His father carved it out of wood for his birthday. Jared found it when he cleared his parents' house and kept it.
He is playing with the little wooden man, imagining being a seven-year-old boy with no worries, his little sister and his big brother splashing about the swimming pool, his dad kissing his mom. Good times.
It's all gone.
He closes his eyes. They're all gone.
Hearing soft footfalls approaching him, Jared opens his eyes. There's a pair of feet in front of him, wearing flip-flops. Looking up, he sees a pair of naked shins in tight jeans, a tight black t-shirt, green eyes. God, they're green like moss. Milky-white skin.
Jared's libido is perking up. Along with his dick. Traitors, both of them.
“Hey”, the intruder says. “You live here? I thought I'd be the only one awake at the ass-crack of dawn.”
“Hey”, Jared answers, straightening up. “Yeah, in 3C. Just couldn't sleep, that's why I came down here.”
“It's nice and quiet here at this time. By the way, I'm Jensen.” Holding a little box in one hand, he reaches out with the other one.
They shake hands. Jensen's skin is pale, cool and soft.
“What's in there?” Jared asks pointing to the box.
“Hmm? Oh. Nothing, it's... nothing.”
Apparently, something is in that box because Jared can hear a faint scratching. Jensen blushes, a pale pink on his freckled cheeks that Jared finds endearing.
Jared grins. “You know that there are no pets allowed?”
Jensen grins back. “There are no dogs allowed. It says nothing about bunnies.”
“You have a bunny in there?” Jared says, not hiding his surprise very well, the guy... Jensen doesn't look like a bunny lover.
Jensen's visibly abashed. “Uh, yeah. It's a, uh, birthday present. For my little sister.”
Jared smiles. “She'll love it.”
“Yeah. Uhm, you know. I gotta go. I just got off work, I'm more than ready for bed. See you around!” With a little wave, Jensen's off to the north wing's backdoor.
With a groan, Jared's head drops into his hands. He forgot to ask for Jensen's apartment number! There are twenty apartments in the north wing, he's unlikely to knock on every single door to find him again. Maybe he could ask the facility manager, but then he would have to say why he was looking for Jensen.
Crap. He himself doesn't even know why he'd like to see the man again.
Vanessa's waiting for him when he leaves the cemetery.
The visit today was... exhausting. It's Julie's seventeenth birthday. He made a little paper bird for her, leaving it on her grave. She would have liked it, that is, the little fourteen-year-old girl would have liked it. Today, though, she'd be a beautiful young lady, and Jared tries to imagine how she would look like now.
Vanessa is as gorgeous as always, wearing jeans and a blouse. “Jared,” she says, smiling.
“Vanessa. Hey.” he replies, surprised. “How are you?”
“I'm fine.” Putting a hand on his arm, she continues, “I want to apologize for Mireille. She told me the other day she met you, and I think she was pretty... harsh.”
“You don't need to. It's alright,” he says, squeezing her hand in confirmation.
“No, it's not. She's my friend. I didn't ask her to go see you and yell at you. I want you to know that I'm not mad at you, not any more. I think... I think I appreciate that you told me about your feelings when you did. It would've been way more painful if we'd gotten invested in our relationship, and then...”
Jared is a grown man, he never tears up. It's the sun shining directly into his eyes that makes them overflow.
“It's okay, Jared. I still care about you, you're a nice guy, and I was happy to be your girlfriend. But I won't force you to love me. Take care.”
Giving him a quick peck on the corner of his mouth, she turns, walking to her car.
Today had been awful. A little girl puked in the dairy products aisle, the mother was blushing with shame, but it was Jared who cleaned the floor. And it was Jared again cleaning the floor in front of the potato chips when a drunk guy smashed a sixpack.
On the other hand, Mr Kim gave him half a dozen yogurts and a bag of fruits – there was even a pineapple – so Jared is happily heading home. Approaching the main entrance of his apartment building, he notices movements in the dooryard's shrubs – and some cussing.
Descending from his bike, he asks, “Are you looking for something?”
Jumping, the man amid the shrubs swings around, staring wide-eyed at Jared. It's that guy, Jensen, looking hot in his low-riding jeans and an obviously well-loved t-shirt. His face is flushed with embarrassment, making his freckles stand out like cinnamon-colored speckles. Oh God, freckles speckles.
Jared wants to count them. And then lick them. Every single one.
“Fuck, you trying to kill me?”
“Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. So, are you looking for something? Can I help?”
Jensen flushes some more. “Uhm, no. Thanks, I'm, uh. I...”
Jared can see Jensen caving in even before he admits, sighing, “My cat ran away. She's small, and black, and...”
Pointing to the roadside tree a little further on, Jared says, “Do you mean that small, black cat sitting in that big, green tree?”
Turning around, Jensen stares into the tree. Between the bright green spring foliage, there's a tiny little kitten sitting on a branch, glaring at the men.
“Oh, there you are,” Jensen mutters, stepping closer to the tree and reaching out with his hands. The cat, though, has a different agenda, forcing Jensen to withdraw his hand with a blow of sharp claws, hissing.
Stifling a laugh, Jared approaches the tree. “Come here, kitty”, he says, and the cat comes. No claws, no hissing, just Jared's big hands encasing soft, black fur.
“If I had to guess, I'd say she doesn't like you.” he laughs, petting the animal and looking up from under his bangs.
“I guess not.” Jensen says, sucking on his scratched finger. He's... pouting.
Jensen is definitely pouting, looking so hurt because his cat doesn't like him, and all Jared wants to do is to pet and comfort him. Maybe lick his finger a little bit, too. Or his...
“Look, I don't mind bringing the kitty back to your place. Since she doesn't want to be held by you, obviously,” Jared says with a teasing grin. ”If you would just attach my bike to the pole?”
Once that's done, they enter the north wing and take the stairs to Jensen's apartment on the fourth floor.
Jared doesn't mind. Usually, he takes the elevator because he has to haul his bike to his apartment on the third floor, but he really doesn't mind climbing the stairs right behind Jensen, definitely not because he got to ogle the nice butt in front of him.
The kitten is purring in Jared's arm. She's warm, her breath ghosting over his skin, reminding him how much he wishes for a pet of his own. A dog, maybe two, if he had the time and money.
Jensen's apartment is... white. White walls, white furniture, worn with use, the sole spots of color some cushions and a quilt on the couch. There are books, DVDs and CDs stacked on the living room floor and, in a corner, some boxes. Obviously, Jensen bought some shelves that he hasn't assembled yet.
Gingerly, Jensen opens a room door slightly, looking inside.
“Put her in here,” he says, and Jared sets her down in the room where she sashays proudly, tail erect, towards her bed, sitting down and cleaning herself.
Amazed, Jared looks around. It's a pet's paradise. There are scratching posts, cushions and toys for the three cats and big cages for the four, no, five bunnies.
He can't stifle the smile that emerges. His sister's birthday present, my ass.
Jensen is closing the door, looking embarrassed.
Jared can't resist rubbing it in. “No dogs, I see,” he says grinning.
“Yeah. Uhm, thanks. For your help. Do you want a beer?”
The question throws Jared. And Jensen. Embarrassed, flushed, adorable Jensen trying to change the subject throws Jared so far that he's completely out of his depth. There's clearly only one answer to that question.
Damn it, not that one.
They end up playing Xbox, eating PB&J sandwiches and the pineapple from Jared's backpack. It's been a long time since he had so much fun. Vanessa was not really into console games, so their dates were movies and dining out, and though Vanessa never wanted anything fancy, it still was too much for Jared's tight budget.
Jensen's dry-witted and shy, but there's a kind of vitality and power thrumming beneath the surface, something Jared can't quite put his finger on. As it is, he would like to put his fingers all over Jensen, ruffling his hair, sliding them beneath that tight t-shirt. When it's time to get ready for work, Jared is jolly glad to leave, otherwise he'd be jumping Jensen's bones, that's for sure.
All the way to his bike, he is grinning like an idiot. Being not completely straight is awesome when you have somebody like Jensen to crush on. And Jared is crushing on Jensen's body, on his green, green eyes, his incredible lashes, and those freckles all over his face and down his neck.
The realisation hits Jared when he's unchaining his bike: He's agreed to another evening of playing Xbox next week. And he's looking forward to it.
It is a lazy day, only one customer in front of the detergent shelf comparing the brands. Felicia is manning the checkout counter, her elbows perched on the edge, and Jared's cleaning the coffee machine. Funny, how much of his time at work is spent cleaning.
His co-worker is chewing bubble gum and the bubbles she blows keep sticking to her nose. She is eyeing the old lady warily. Maybe ugly cardigans are contagious, what does Jared know?
Stuffing the gum back in her mouth, she says, “Maybe you should just go for him.”
Distracted by the milk stains on the machine's stainless steel front, Jared says, “What?”
The pink gum threads prettily between her delicate fingers. “You know, that handsome boy of yours. Just jump his bones.”
The cleaning rag falls from Jared's fingers. He turns, staring. “What gave you the idea... Why do you think I'd want to jump a guy?”
“Oh, that's easy. You're pining.”
“I am not.”
“Yes, you are. You're over the moon. This whole week it's been 'pretty boy said, pretty boy did'. Even Mr Kim noticed.”
Jared blushes a deep red. “That's not... bullshit. You don't know what you're talking about.”
“You think? I've got a big brother. Every week another girl, I tell you, I know what pining looks like. And crushing on someone.” The gum pops loudly. The lady customer looks over, a surly frown on her face, as she moves on to the dairy products.
Picking up the rag and scrubbing the coffee machine with renewed vigour, Jared says, “I just ditched Vanessa. I'm still... grieving or something. I'm not interested in another relationship. Least of all with a guy.”
“Well.” Another bubble pops. “All I'm saying is Vanessa is old news, and you act like an idiot in love. I don't mind whether you crush on a guy or a girl, but if you have a problem with it, well, that's your problem.”
Suddenly, she is sucking the gum into her mouth, straightening up to thrust out her breasts that are admittedly quite nice. “Hello, gorgeous.” she murmurs seductively.
“Uhm, hello, ma'am. Hello, Jared,” a familiar voice says. Turning, Jared sees Jensen standing in front of the counter.
“Hi Jensen. What are you doing here?” he asks, putting the rag down and wiping his hands on his jeans. Suddenly, the store feels stifling.
“Oh, I just had a really... bad day at work. I'm in need of a friendly face now and thought I'd meet you here.” He looks expectantly at Felicia.
“Sorry, where are my manners? Jensen, this is Felicia, my co-worker. Felicia, Jensen, my... friend.”
“Hello, frrriend.” Felicia purrs.
“Nice to meet you.” Jensen's smile is like the sun on a cloudy day. Jared's stomach tightens in knots coiling low in his belly. He wants to bathe in that smile. Naked. When it's directed at him, it takes a surprising amount of effort to pull himself together, and not melt into a puddle.
“Maybe... maybe you'd like to go have a coffee? With me?”
That hopeful smile is difficult to resist. “I'd like to but...”
“But of course you can go now. Misha is due here in ten, and I think I can manage until then.” Felicia makes shooing motions, shoving Jared away from the counter.
“Yes. Now go with your lover boy.”
Jared's blush is mirrored on Jensen's face.
A few minutes later they're sitting in a nice little coffeehouse, drinking coffee and eating sandwiches and éclairs.
“I apologize for Felicia. She's been trying to set me up for weeks and she's really convinced that I... I mean, that me and you...” Trailing off, Jared stares at his coffee mug which is quite ugly.
Jensen chuckles. “So she's convinced that there's a 'me and you'?”
“Would you like it if there was a 'me and you'?”
Still staring at his mug, Jared traces circles on the tabletop with his finger. “Well... yes. I think.”
“That's good. Me too.” Putting a hand on top of his, Jensen smiles when Jared looks up. His green eyes are... green.
“Uhm.” Jared clears his throat. He needs to come clean with his potential boyfriend. “I'm... I need to...” He sighs. Damn, this is hard. “I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, and I'm still not quite sure about... my sexuality. About being gay. I mean...”
Jensen grins. “It's okay. We can take it slow. One step at a time, okay?”
Sighing with relief, Jared nods his head. “Yeah, okay.”
Jensen squeezes Jared's hand. “Now I want to be honest with you, too. I have some secrets. Actually, pretty dark ones. Not a serial killer, but I can't spill the beans yet.”
How bad could his secrets be when he's willing to admit having them?
“That's alright. We've only just met, I think we both need some time to get to know each other. I don't expect you to tell me everything right now.”
“Great. Now, do you want another éclair? My treat.”
Maybe it's a thing, sitting in the garden at five a.m. Today, though, Jared's sitting on the bench with Jensen.
With so many thoughts on Jared's mind, his night was sleepless. He's still reeling from the previous day's date, and the thought of fresh morning air and feeling the rays of dawn on his face is more tempting than his cold and lonely sheets. Then Jensen, on his way home from his work as a waiter, is standing before him, casting a shadow over him, smiling like another sun.
They greet each other with a kiss, timid and tender, and they sit side by side, Jensen holding Jared's hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand. After talking about weather, work and other trivial stuff, the subjects get more serious.
“When I was just a few weeks into college...” Jared sighs. “My family decided to visit for Christmas. We had a few wonderful days, but on their way home... there was an accident. A guy, Julius Vanderbilt, thought it was a good idea to commit suicide by driving on the wrong lane of the highway. He collided head-on with my father's car.
“My mom, my sister and brother died on impact. My dad's been in a coma ever since. Julius survived severely injured. He's now in a wheelchair.”
It's not the first time Jared told his story. The reactions he got ranged from 'You poor boy' to 'It's been two years, pull yourself together and move on'.
Jensen remains silent. His hand, however, squeezes Jared's in reassurance. Jared sniffs softly but he doesn't shed tears, doesn't want to show how weak he is, when he's only just met the other man. Then again, he wants to lean into that warm body, rest his head and soul against Jensen's. He just wants some rest, only for a little while because he's so tired.
And he is angry. He is furious with that guy who wanted to die and survived. Julius killed his family who wanted to live because he was too chicken to go alone. Jared is so furious, he wants to bang his head against a wall. But it wouldn't change a thing, so he refrains.
Jensen clears his throat. “I, uhm. Sometimes I wish my parents were dead, it would be easier. They never paid attention to me. I went to a boarding school until my dad lost his job. When he started drinking and fighting with my mom, it was like I was the invisible man. I was there but he didn't see me.”
When there is a break, Jared pipes up. “You know, you don't have to tell me.”
“No, I need to. It's made me what I am. But I can't tell the whole story, not yet. Maybe later. There's just too much...”
“It's okay. Anything you tell me, or aren't ready to, is okay.”
Right now, at this moment, Jared is content. He's sitting on the bench in their backyard, facing the rising sun, Jensen's body heat seeping through their clothes. He's content and happy that Jensen's confiding in him.
“Mom had to start working, and I think she hated dad in the end. They had to give up their country club membership, sell the cars and abandon the mansion. I didn't care. I'd have lived in a box if it meant my dad would talk to me.
“I played truant because nobody cared. I did drugs for a while, and they didn't care. When I was eighteen I pretty much lived on the street. They never searched or asked for me. Then I met a guy who fucked me up. I thought I loved him but he fucked me up completely. It took me years to bounce back.”
Jensen sighs. “Well, seems like life dealt us both some shitty hands.”
They remain silent for a beat, then Jared says, “But we're still playing.”